maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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