Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
