You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
