Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
