Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The air taste purple.
Randomize
