worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
