i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
