I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
