dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
