Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
