im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
