If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
