If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
