You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
