I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
