just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
