we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
