wat bout pragnant strippers??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
