remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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