DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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