Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
