Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
