"it" just moved
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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