i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
