She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
