I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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