I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
