i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm having to shit out rocks
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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