What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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