The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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