i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
