It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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