Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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