This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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