I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
