If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex on a dog bed..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
