dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
