I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
