So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
