Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize