He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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