I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
