i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
