The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
