did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
