Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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