his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize