i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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