this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize