Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize