yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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