the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
