a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
