Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
