Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
