His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize