Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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