I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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