Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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