So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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