why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm always down for nudity.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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