Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
