I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't deserve a penis
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
