we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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