Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
