I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
