Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
