She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
