wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
