remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
