Will you blow on my dice?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's just like the Real World with babies
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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