I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
