Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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